“I went to school with a kid who, despite being a really nice guy, was also capable of some jaw-dropping bullshit stories. He used to come out with these on a regular basis, and despite none of us ever believing them and mocking him quite mercilessly for being a bullshitter, he never once backed down.

There were many that I’ve forgotten most, but three still stand out:

*  The time he went to a petrol station on foot, drank petrol direct from the pump and went blind for half an hour.

*  The time he had trials for Inter Milan. He wasn’t the best footballer, it has to be said, but apparently they were “desperate to sign him” but he had to say no, as it would have affected his school work. They understood apparently, and as a goodwill gesture, they let him keep a shirt, which he always played in.

*  The time he had sex with one of the Chemistry teachers. He’d bumped into her on Shields Road, which is a less than upmarket shopping street in Newcastle, and apparently she was “gagging for it”. So they went to hers and he shagged her, though he had to do it up the arse as her “fanny was manky”.

Lost touch with him now. Shame.”

(thanks to Thomas Bagnall)