“An ex-staff member who used to work for Wasp Eye popped into work recently, and revealed some juicy details about the man’s lies prior to my arrival. The best by far were these details he once gave about his motorcycle crash (the one that resulted in him landing at the top of a tree standing up). In the original, the tale went more like this.

Waspo was cruising along at high speed- whilst obeying the speed limit, which is a special limit for him only thanks to his flawless driving record (also, he used to claim that if you had a car license you could ride a motorbike 10mph faster, and a minibus/ambulance license meant 10mph faster in a car and 20mph on a bike…) when someone with a grudge who had been bested in a fist fight by him ran him off the road.

Poor Wasp Eye hit a tree, and slid along the ground “on my chest and knees” for at least half a mile. When he awoke he was in the hospital under general anaesthetic. Which he had woken up from. He looked down and his chest was completely open, because the doctors HAD REMOVED HIS RIBCAGE.

Obviously before they sedated him again he had a chance to check out his heart, which was “in pretty good nick”. Awaking a second time in a hospital bed, he was relieved to find that he was intact once more. But not quite.

For Wasp Eye had been subjected to an advanced and untested medical procedure. The doctors had replaced his entire ribcage with a titanium replica. He was shocked to learn this and even more so when he discovered that his kneecaps had been replaced with polycarbonate discs and were now impervious to bullets.

Needless to say, within a week he was back at work and had found the man responsible for running him into the tree – he goaded the man into punching him in the ribcage, thus breaking the man’s hand.

Advantage Wasp Eye. Again.”

(thanks to @weaselpipe)